I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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