hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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