Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's blow job season.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
