You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
