I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
