you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
