I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Your face is a jimmy john
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Someone came in the potted fern
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
