the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
