Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
