return my video game
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
