is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
