I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
