Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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