My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
