Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
