I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
