There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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