yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it glows. i had to have it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
