She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
