she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
