First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
