Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
