Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
