I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
