Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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