You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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