i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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