the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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