Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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