sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
