Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
