can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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