WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
