i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
