I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
