I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
