What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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