just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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