remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize