I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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