Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There are leaves in my underwear?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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