But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
