who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
