Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize