Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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