She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
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