note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize