You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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