omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
