im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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