then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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