i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
