So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
