wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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