Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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