9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
