is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
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Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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