she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
