How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
