he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
