I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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