I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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