i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize