he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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