No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
