He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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